Hello everyone and welcome to The Sarlacc Pit! Today’s post is going to be a little different than normal, and a little controversial. In politics, when voting, there is a common expression that voters are forced to pick “the lesser of two evils,” meaning that when both candidates are bad, you just have to grit your teeth and pick the one who is going to screw thing up the least. While this sounds like a sad parody of democracy, it is unfortunately the reality that most democratic nations must endure. However, when looking at the 2016 American presidential race, it’s almost hard to decide which candidate is the lesser evil. Those of us in America have watched as presidential candidates have resorted to Twitter insults, made racist statements, encouraged violence, been simply mean or rude, benefited from corruption, or actually actively played a role in corrupt activities themselves. In the words of my close friend, Adam (excuse the language), “I would love the normal option of a shit sandwich or giant douche,” referring to a classic episode of “South Park” that satires the American political system. As time went on through the presidential race I have found myself growing more and more disappointed in our options, until I found this picture on the internet:
At first I laughed, because the fact that the Empire built a second Death Star after the first one failed so hard always seemed silly to me, but then I thought. The more I thought about this meme the more I found similarities between our two presidential candidates and two of the most famous Sith lords in the galaxy. So today, I am going to share this with you. Now, before we go any further I have a few notes. First of all, I am not trying to tell you not to vote, or who to vote for. It is every American’s right and responsibility to vote, no matter how crappy the candidates are. Second, this is not a plea to vote for a third party candidate. While neither Gary Johnson nor Jill Stein made it onto this list, it’s mostly because I do not know enough about them to compare them to fictional characters. Third, I want to address my bias: I will most likely be voting for Hillary Clinton in the November elections. I have no idea how Donald Trump became a major presidential candidate and most of what I see from him disgusts me as a human and disappoints me as an American. I believe his racist rhetoric, short temper, and extreme lack of experience disqualify him as a candidate, and I believe his general personality damn near disqualifies him as a human. However, I am going to attempt to give it to Hillary Clinton just as hard as Donald Trump, because she is not squeaky-clean either. So with that, hold on to your crimson lightsabers as I compare Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton to two of the most evil villains Star Wars has to offer.
Donald Trump and Darth Sidious
First off, let’s start off with Donald Trump. Known as a successful businessman and one of the world’s wealthiest men, Trump first ran as the Reform Party’s presidential candidate in 2000, then tried for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012 before eventually bowing out. In 2016 he has successfully become the Republican party’s presidential nominee as many Republicans seem to admire him based on his economic prosperity and tendency to speak his mind instead of bowing to traditional political correctness.
Darth Sidious began his political career as Sheev Palpatine, Senator of Naboo in the Galactic Senate. He was elected to the position of Supreme Chancellor of the Senate after the Invasion of Naboo (which he engineered) led to a vote of no confidence against Supreme Chancellor Valorum. Sidious then worked with Count Dooku (a.k.a. Darth Tyranus) to engineer the Clone Wars. At the close of the Clone Wars Palpatine/Sidious declared himself Emperor of the First Galactic Empire, effectively ended the democracy of the Republic and bringing the galaxy into a dark dictatorship.
What do these two have in common? Let’s find out.
1. Both Advocate/d Killing Innocents in Retaliation Against Terrorism
“The other thing with the terrorists is you have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don’t kid yourself. When they say they don’t care about their lives, you have to take out their families.” – Donald Trump
During an interview with Fox News’ “Fox and Friends,” Donald Trump stated that the correct way to take on ISIS and other terrorists was to target their families. An interesting strategy, Donald, but one that was tried and failed a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Our man skeevy Sheev Palpatine created the Death Star in order to destroy entire planets that were connected to the Alliance to Restore the Republic. The Death Star was used once, resulting in the death of billions of innocent lives. You have to hand it to Sidious, the man was efficient when it came to war crimes. Let’s just hope Donald Trump never gains access to giant-sized kyber crystals any time soon.
2. Both Benefit/ed from Racism/Speciesism
It is unclear if Darth Sidious was actually speciesist against non-humans during his life, but I believe that he was not as he worked very closely with corrupt non-humans in the senate and even had a non-human apprentice, Darth Maul. However, it has been implied that Sidious and his master, Darth Plagueis, helped encourage speciesism in the Senate and the Core Worlds, which helped divide the galaxy, which Sidious took advantage of. Furthermore, since Sidious was a human, any speciesist policies ultimately benefited him.
Despite whether or not you conclude that Donald Trump is racist based on remarks that he has made, he has, without a doubt, benefited from racism. His proposed project to build a wall along the border of the U.S. and Mexico, statements he has made implying that he would shut down Islamic mosques, and his vocalization against allowing refugees into America resonates strongly with the desires of many white supremacy groups. This has led to many white supremacist leaders, including David Duke to encourage their followers to vote for Trump which, whether Trump likes it or not, does benefit him as it supplies him with more votes.
3. Both Advocate/d Violence Against Political Opponents
“You know, I love our police, and I really respect our police, and they’re not getting enough. They’re not. Honestly, I hate to see that. Here’s a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else when we’re talking, and he’s walking out, and we’re not allowed — you know, the guards are very gentle with him, he’s walking out, like, big high fives, smiling, laughing — I’d like to punch him in the face, I’ll tell you.” -Donald Trump
Neither Darth Sidious nor Donald Trump can be considered kind when it comes to people who rise against them. Whether it’s Trump applauding his fans when they take physical action against protesters or Sidious instructing Anakin Skywalker to behead the leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems, neither are afraid to pull any punches against their opponents.
Hillary Clinton and Darth Tyranus
While I could spend all day talking about The Donald and Skeevey Sheev, let’s move on to the Democratic party’s presidential nominee. Hillary Clinton, and her Sith counterpart, Darth Tyranus. Hillary Clinton studied law at Yale and first stepped on to the political scene as the First Lady during Bill Clinton’s tenure as president from 1993 to 2001. Afterwards, Hillary Clinton became the first American First Lady to win a public office seat when she was elected to the U.S. senate in 2001. In 2008 she unsuccessfully ran against Barack Obama for the Democratic political nomination. She then served as the Secretary of state from 2009 to 2013. In 2016 she became the first woman to become the presidential nominee for a major political party.
Darth Tyranus a.k.a. Count Dooku was originally a Jedi Master who left the Jedi Order in the years leading up to the Clone Wars, returning to his homeworld of Serenno and reclaiming his title of Count. Dooku then turned to the dark side, becoming apprentice to Darth Sidious and taking the title of Darth Tyranus. The two Sith then engineered the Clone Wars, with Sidious leading the Republic and Tyranus leading the Confederacy of Independent Systems.
Let’s see what these two have in common:
1. Both Backtracked on Previous Held Morals
Count Dooku was a Master of the Jedi Order for a long time, until he left to reclaim his title of Count of Serenno. In current canon only two other Jedi (Anakin and Ahsoka) did this, and Dooku was the first. Furthermore, after leaving the Order, Dooku completely changed his stance on the Force, turning over to the dark side.
Hillary Clinton has been considered an avid flip-flopper for a long time, whether it was her stance on gay marriage, abortion, gun control, trade, immigration, etc., the only thing consistent about her platform is its inconsistency. Considering the number of issues Clinton has backtracked on, it might actually be offensive toward Darth Tyranus to compare the two of them this way.
2. Both Fought Against Corruption While Regularly Behaving Corruptly
The reason Tyranus left the Jedi Order and led the C.I.S. against the Republic was supposedly because he could no longer handle the corruption that was spreading throughout the Senate and the Jedi Order. He then ended up leading the Separatists, a group of systems desiring to leave the Republic, during the Clone Wars. Ironically, however, Tyranus co-engineered the Clone Wars with Darth Sidious, who was the one most responsible for the spreading corruption in the Senate. So essentially, while on the outside Dooku may have seemed to be fighting a just war against corruption to some, he was really working right alongside the man spreading the corruption in the first place.
As the Democratic, and therefore “liberal,” candidate, Hillary Clinton is inherently supposed to be working to increase civil liberties while decreasing the free reign of big businesses. She talks about working against corrupt businesses and politicians in the pockets of Wall Street. However, there have been many stories in the news that show that perhaps Hillary is just as corrupt as some of the businesses and politicians she calls out. With emails showing that the DNC worked hard to ensure that Clinton received the nomination over Bernie Sanders and speeches given by Clinton to Wall Street where she was paid millions of dollars, it appears that Hillary might not be in a position to talk about corruption.
3. Both Were Implicated in Major Cover-Ups
Count Dooku was in the middle of numerous cover ups throughout the Clone Wars. One of which was the cause of the Clone Wars, as both he and Darth Sidious had to work to make sure the Jedi Order never learned of the true cause. Furthermore, when Senator Bonteri of the Separatist system of Onderon began to push for peace talks, Dooku had her murdered, making her death look like the result of an attack by Republic forces. Cover ups like this happened regularly, as both Sidious and Tyranus continued to work to keep the Clone Wars waging.
Hillary Clinton is notorious for being implicated in a long list of conspiracies and cover-ups. From allegedly helping her husband intimidate victims of sexual assault, to attempting to delete incriminating emails, the list goes on. One thing you can learn following these, is that Clinton and her staff are really bad at cover-ups, considering that they are always on the news.
The list goes on with these two politicians and their Sith counterparts. However, we have come to the part of this blog where I am sure many people would like some sort of message of hope. Unfortunately, I don’t have one for you. I could tell American voters to go vote third party, but our choices are not great there either. It kind of seems like the American political system has gotten consistently worse and worse and now we’re stuck choosing between two pretty crappy choices. Well, the best I can offer is this: after the dark side won the day in Star Wars, and the Republic and the Jedi were both destroyed, eventually a new hope arose, destroying the Empire and bringing back the Jedi. Now, the New Republic eventually became just as corrupt as the Old Republic and the Jedi’s best pupil ended up turning against him and murdering his best friend, but that’s just details. Who knows though, maybe after this election cycle America will get up and stand in front a mirror and decide to make a change. Or maybe next election we will have to vote between Darth Vader and Darth Maul. Life’s a gamble.
Anyways, while I’m writing about controversial topics, next week I am going to do a post in which I attempt to defend the Prequel Trilogy. The PT has gotten a large amount of hate from fans of all ages, so I will attempt to point out some of the redeeming qualities of these three movies. Thanks for reading, and may the Force be with you.